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The Ten Commandments Of Bingo
Thou shalt not sit in thy neighbours lucky seat.
Thou shalt not stare at thy neighbours card.
Thou shalt not take the Callers name in vain.
Thou shalt not call false "Bingo".
Thou shalt not wish bad luck on thy neighbour.
Thou shalt not threaten to kill the "Caller".
Thou shalt not steal thy husband's money for Bingo.
Thou shalt not brag about how much thou hast won.
Thou shalt not whine about how much thou hast lost.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours winnings.
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Bingo Knock-Knock
Knock-Knock!
Who's there?
Bee Eye.
Bee Eye who?
B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and BINGO is my name-o
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Bingo Poem
A lady from Sydney loved Bingo,
So much so that she taught her Dingo,
She took him along to the hall,
Where they both had a ball,
Till he Full-Housed but could not speak the Lingo!
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Do you take cash or credit???
Last night, my friends and I went to our local Bingo Club as they put on some male dancers for us.
One of the women wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a 10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the 10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a 20 note. She called the dancer back, licks the 20 note and sticks it to his other butt-cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a 50 note, calls the guy over and licks the 50 note.
I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me!!!
Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the 50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet...... What could I do????
The woman in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass and grabbed the eighty pounds!
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The Bingo Prayer
As I lay me down to slumber
All I need is one more number
When to the big game I go
I pray the Lord I yell BINGO.
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You Know the Feeling
The only time you hear an old lady swearing is when another player calls *BINGO*
Being a good loser at bingo is considered admirable, so long as it is *Some-one Else*
What makes a roomful of people all shout @#*& !% Have someone call *Bingo*
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Always A Winner!
Betty and Hilda, two friends, went together to play the slot machines at their local Bingo Hall. Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the Bingo Hall and sit on the bench to wait for her friend. Betty quickly lost all of her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited and waited and waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she saw Hilda coming toward her carrying a huge sack of coins. "Hey, Betty," said Hilda, "how'd you do?" "Well, Hilda", said Betty, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Betty, "did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you can't lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!"
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I Don't Lose
A husband and wife were playing bingo and competing to see who could get all of the numbers and hence call bingo the most.
They were completely level right up until the last number both needed number 11 to win. 11 came up, so they even scored, tied the game and shared the win.
Not so protested the husband, I said it quicker!
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Mind Your Own Business
This guy had a very attractive wife who was always demanding expensive clothes and jewelry but he was not too well off. One day his wife came home with a diamond necklace.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "I won it at bingo"
The next night she came home with a mink coat.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."
The next night she came home with a Mercedes Benz.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "Look!! Don't keep asking where I get my things!! Go upstairs and run my bath for me!!"
His wife came upstairs to find a small amount of water in the tub.
The wife asked: "How come you put so little water in the tub?"
The guy replied: "I didn't want to wet your bingo card".
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The Importance of BINGO
Bingo isn't a matter of life and death, it's much more important than that.
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Preach On
Bingo ~ it's a religion.
They play in churches don't they??
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Luck Of The Irish
OREILLY and PADDY were playing *Bingo*. OReilly kept looking over Paddy's shoulder saying You've got that number cross it off. You've got that number mark it off.
After putting up with this for some time Paddy got annoyed and said "Why don't you do your own sheet OReilly?" Ive filled it Paddy he replied.
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My Defense Your Honour
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 8th floor apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to defend herself.
"Well, Your Honor," she replied coolly. "I figured that at 92, if he could make love to another woman, he could fly!"
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Me...addicted?
I only play bingo on days that end in Y.
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Farewell
My husband said to choose between him and bingo. Im going to miss him!
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Put That Thing Away!
Betty, Ethel, Sylvia and Percy are sitting at a table at the local Bingo Hall when for the first time in 7 years Percy gets a full house. In the excitement of jumping up and down shouting Bingo, his trousers accidentally fall down, exposing him fully to the startled ladies! Betty and Ethel had a stroke, Sylvia couldnt reach!
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Words Of Prayer
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He is lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest, somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps.
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A policeman checks the crowd...
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again.
Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age.
"Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice: "B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72..."
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Blondes Are More Fun
It was a Ladies Only Night in the All Blonde Bingo Hall. The night had been pretty uneventful, not one person had Bingo'd all night. The last game was up for grabs, with a fat bingo prize of $3500.00 in the pot. The game drags on and on, nearly every blonde in the house was on for the big blackout. Finally, G-47 was called - still no shouts of Bingo! were heard. The frustrated caller finally gets up and throws the Bingo Machine off the stage. Everyone was shocked. "Ive just called every darn one of these 75 balls out of this machine and nobodys Bingo'd?" screamed the caller, "Just what number are you ladies waiting for?" In unison, 412 blonde ladies shout out "FREE SPACE!"
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Toothy Grin
Q) What do vampires play Bingo with?
A) Stake money!
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Big Cheese
Q) What do rodents say when they play bingo?
A) 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
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Lost Love
Q) What has lots of little balls and screws old ladies?
A) A bingo machine!
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Mom?
Q) What do you call a lady addicted to gambling at bingo?
A) Betty!
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